Beloved
Beloved: It’s the only word that I have found that can start to describe who I am. I am Abba’s beloved child. This phrase is simple and sweet but it is also one of the richest truths that I have ever encountered. I have written a good bit about my own journey to understand my being beloved, but I haven’t taken time to really explore what it means. Being the beloved is not something that I can fully comprehend until I am spending eternity in glory, but for now, while distorted by my own humanity, I do get a glimpse of just how incredibly loved I truly am. Before I go any further, I first need to explore what it means to be beloved. According to Dictionary.com, to be beloved is to be “Greatly loved; dear to the heart.” To identify as the beloved of anyone is powerful; to be the beloved of the creator of the entire universe is paradigm shifting.
If you have read my other blog posts, I initially came to terms with my own “belovedness” when I read Abba’s Child by Brennan Manning as part of my preparation for a backpacking trip in the Texas wilderness. That was the climax of a journey that began about a year and a half earlier. When I got to college, the labels that I had previously used to define me had been stripped away. These were things like football player or actor or scholar. My lengthy list of activities and achievements no longer mattered, which left me searching for where I fit. I spent hours wrestling with my identity. I didn’t know who I was or what I had to offer the world. I remember spiraling in thought, searching for an answer to a question that haunted me: “Who am I?” Through this process, I slowly allowed myself to be known by those around me and in turn I felt more known by God. I was forced to sit in my own brokenness, not being able to fix me. I learned that no matter how hard I tried, I had nothing of value to offer. I became acutely aware that I am simply human. It was in that dark, miserable, lonely place when all layers of me had been stripped away and I felt completely naked and alone that my creator, my Abba, was waiting for me. Encountering him in that space, knowing that he saw me for who I was but still loved me, was when I was set free. What happened was I stopped trying to be good enough on my own. I let go of the names that I was calling myself and I started listening to the name that my heavenly father called me: “Beloved.”
Learning this lesson flipped my world on its head. I was set free. I no longer had to worry about finding acceptance or belonging by other people and I started allowing God to define me. I believe that when Genesis 2:25 describes Adam and Eve as being naked and unashamed it was less about their lack of clothing and more about them being fully known by God but still fully loved. It was only after I experienced my own “nakedness” that I could start to understand my belovedness. From there, I gained a sense of belonging that I had previously been searching for but couldn’t find. I became much more confidant as well. Something that I had previously struggled with was my own ability to lead or teach or do just about anything that meant that others would be relying on me. Upon my eyes being opened to who I truly am, I learned to trust that when I find myself in positions of influence, God is with me, leading me and equipping me to do the work that he has for me. I just have to be willing to step up and accept the responsibility that is given to me.
My view of me was not the only thing that was transformed. One night I remember vividly sitting in a room of many of my closest friends engaged in a heavy conversation. It seemed like there was a weight on us that night. My friends were plagued with a range of hardships. The room was full of the pain of loss, stress, and depression. I looked around the circle at each person’s face and watched their brokenness as they bore it in their eyes. My heart was heavy and that’s when something amazing happened in me. Once again, almost like a blindfold was removed, I looked around that circle and instead of carrying each person’s pain, I saw their belovedness. A sense of “I know that you are broken but I love you so much” washed over me. It felt, in that moment, that I was given eyes that see people the way God sees them.
My journey being the beloved has not been an easy one. In fact, it has been full of pain, but it has absolutely set me free. I live the life that I do because I am the beloved. This truth has set me free to embrace who I was created to be and I am so thankful for that. I am confident in what God is doing in and through me and I better know what it means to love others because I know how loved I am. I am able to truly love others because God first loved me like that. We all need to understand how loved we truly are by our Abba, and once we can rest in this truth, we can start to live the lives that we were created for.
