Fake It Until You Make It
For years, I believed that I was a great actor, not just on stage but also in life. I felt like anything that I wanted to do I could, as long as I pretended it was a part of my life. I wanted to be a football player, so I pretended to be one and ended up being a captain. I wanted to excel academically, so I took challenging classes, worked hard to get good grades, and ended up being the vice president of National Honor Society. I wanted to lead my school in school spirit, so I joined the student section and ended up being the school mascot. I wanted to be an adventurer, so I learned to climb and canoe and ended up being a certified instructor in both of those sports. For years, my successes seemed to be a direct result of me acting. I knew that on paper I was having success, but I felt like an impostor because none of it felt real. After all, I was just “Faking in until I was making it.”
My outlook on my successes shifted because of two classes I took in college. The first class was called Wilderness Encounter. As a result of that class, I came to realize that I was finding my identity in the things that I was doing. Knowing that I believed that my successes were coming from just faking it explains why I struggled so much to know who I really was. I felt like an impostor and I struggled to see where I really fit in the world and what parts of me were fake. The second class was my senior seminar. As part of the course, I read a book by James K.A. Smith titled “You are What You Love.” The whole premise of Smith’s book is that the liturgies, or the things that we repetitively do, shape us into who we are. It took me a while before I came to terms with this concept, but over time I have come to appreciate this idea. As I think back over my life, I realize that the things that I do have been a direct result of repeatedly practicing things until they become true about me.
From time to time, I have opportunities to work with people who are not content living in their status quo. For one reason or another they are not where they want to be and are looking to grow. When I enter into these relationships, I am reminded that the things we choose to do shape who we are. With this mind set, we are ready to pursue lasting change. The first step is to identify who you are. Part of this process includes looking at the things you like to do. From there, it’s time to look into practices that can be used to change the way you are currently living and propel you towards the growth that you are seeking. Often this means choosing a spiritual discipline to practice. For people who want to be more thankful, it’s helpful to practice gratitude daily. For people who want to read more of the Bible, choosing a weekly challenge to read scripture every day is a good starting place. For people who want to become more self-reflective, setting journaling goals for a specific amount of time can be a helpful aid. I usually offer to take on the challenge with the person so that I can grow too, while also providing more accountability with taking on the discipline.
Practicing disciplines often feels like a chore. They are less than fun but the results are worth it. It’s kind of like training for a sport. You practice the same drill repetitively to develop a desired skill. Disciplines work in the same way. If you want to learn to be a more encouraging person, then set a goal for yourself to encourage five people daily over an extended period of time. Keep track of your encouragements and hold yourself accountable to follow through. Over time you will grow into an encourager and eventually you won’t need the daily goal. If you want to become a more reflective person, then make it a goal to journal each night before you are allowed to go to sleep. Over time you will develop your ability to be reflective without forcing yourself to do it daily. Intentionally deciding to practice something new and allowing it to shape you is the first step toward growth.
Each of us needs different things to grow. I want to encourage you to take a look at your life and choose one new discipline which you would like to pursue that can lead toward achieving your own growth goal. Please feel free to post disciplines in the chat section that you have practiced or that you would like to practice. Your experience could inspire someone else to try something new. For me, writing this blog has been a discipline that I have needed. Back before I started writing, I had become stagnant in my faith. I knew that when I share what I am learning with others, I have opportunities to process life and, in turn, my relationship with Christ is healthier. Practicing disciplines often feels fake at first. In a world that is so focused on being your true self this can feel wrong, but to achieve our goals and live the lives that we are called to, sometimes you just have to fake it until you make it.
