Turn the Page
I feel stuck between an ending and a beginning, saddened by an amazing chapter of my life ending. I loved my time in college, particularly getting to live around a bunch of like-minded 20 somethings who were also on their own journeys of self-discovery. I enjoyed going on constant adventures and staying up all night working on projects. Having 24-hour access to friends who were always down to hang out was a dream come true. Being invested in by dedicated staff who were there solely to foster constant growth in me was amazing. On top of the perks of being a college student, I had my childhood home to return to. College felt like another world that I got to visit but when it was time, I would always get to return to my home planet of Greenfield where I was able to be in my own familiar home. It felt like the place where I belonged. Home is a place filled with memories. It was the place where I played dress-up with my brother, where my mom would build blanket forts with me, and where my dad would wrestle with me on the floor. It served as home base when I ran from thing to thing in high school, and it was where I spent long nights finishing my homework. It was where I first learned to be me.
Last year when Covid came into my world, I was forced to prematurely leave my college world behind, but that was okay because I got to go home. It was hard to leave school but once I was home, I was okay. I threw myself into learning new skills to fill my newly found free time and I decided to make the most of being home. Typically, when one part of my life ends, I handle it with little emotion because I tend to focus on the next thing that I will be moving on to. I typically don’t let myself grieve endings by never stopping to think about them. That was easy to do when Covid forced me home from school. It didn’t feel like a normal ending, so I simply compartmentalized it and didn’t let myself think about not going back to school to live with all of my friends. Despite having been done with school for over a year, subconsciously I didn’t believe that it was truly over. When I returned to campus in early May for my graduation ceremony some of that sunk in. I had to say goodbye to the Loft, which was a building that had become extremely important to me. Much of my growth throughout college happened in that space. I spent long hours hanging out with friends at the bouldering wall or in the great room, both of which were part of the Loft. Regularly, I would walk back to my dorm sometime after 2 a.m. from a night of studying or deep conversations with friends at the Loft. Before, I was always able to come back and visit that space, but the Loft program has now ended permanently so I won’t be able to visit.
While I was back for graduation, I also had to say goodbye to some friends who have become very important in my life. Over the course of the last year, I have been able to return to central Pennsylvania and was reunited with some friends on occasion because they were staying in that area. Now, a number of my closest friends recently got jobs in other parts of the country and have moved to their new homes. I don’t know when I will see these people again. It’s hard to know that the chapter of our lives in which we were all together has ended.
Endings are not the only things happening. I’m also on the brink of starting a new chapter of my life working at Camp Hebron in Pennsylvania. I’m very excited to see what happens with this opportunity. I am sure that I will grow a lot through my time there. I can’t wait to be working in the field that I spent four years studying and I look forward to being back around my Pennsylvania community. From the looks of things, the next chapter of my life will be full of growth and new adventures. When I think about what’s next, I can’t help but get excited.
While change is hard for me, I know that it’s an important part of my growth. I can’t stay where I am and still live out my full potential. It is time for me to spread my wings and take on the world and that excites me. I look forward to investing in the community that I will create around me. I am excited to do the job that I will be starting in the fall. The thought of building an adult life is exciting for me and I want to be stretched because that is when I will grow. Even though I am having to say goodbye to a lot right now, I am also ushering in a new chapter and this one has the potential of being even more exciting than the last, but I won’t know unless I turn the page.
