Lessons from Love
If you follow me on social media or if you read my last blog, then you know that I just got engaged!! In honor of today being Valentine’s Day and being recently engaged, I thought that I would share some lessons that I have learned through dating Sarah over the past seven years.
Disclaimer: As I worked through this post, Sarah was involved. I felt it was important to allow her to speak into the writing process since these are her stories, too.
Lesson 1: Patience
Sarah used to be a really hard person to date. Let me explain. Sarah had always seen herself as “single forever.” I was a change in her life plans, and it caused some serious resistance from her regarding sharing her life with me. When we first started dating. I often felt like I just got added into Sarah’s life when there was leftover space. This was really hard for me, but it taught me a lot about God’s love. Because of this experience, I now have a better understanding of what it means for God to always be there, loving me and waiting for me to accept His love. Sarah has grown a lot in this area and now chooses to spend a lot of time with me.
Lesson 2: Death to Self
Shortly after Sarah and I started dating, I had a realization. People associated the way I lived with who Sarah is. I was a bit obnoxious as a freshman and sophomore in college. I had a unique style -- hair sticking up out of a bandana while donning cuffed pants, and I loved to draw attention to myself. I was loud and wanted my presence to be felt. Mostly this played out in a harmless way but was definitely off-putting to some. I eventually realized that because Sarah was with me, people would associate her with my lifestyle. I didn’t want people to see her that way, so, probably for the better, I decided that it was time to grow up a little. I was still my playful self; I just was more aware of how I came across. When we start loving someone or something, it changes how people see us and it changes how we live. These changes can be small, like how I started showering more, or they can be bigger like how Sarah changed jobs so that our lives could be more connected. Society tells us to not let anyone change you. This couldn’t be further from what is intended for us. When we love something or someone, it should change us. This is true for us in our romantic relationships, friendships, and most importantly our relationship with Christ. We should allow ourselves to be changed, and if this doesn’t seem right, maybe ask yourself why. Is there something wrong with this relationship? Or has my individuality become an idol?
Lesson 3: Enjoyment
One thing that has always come naturally to us is the ability to be playful. One of the stories Sarah frequently brings up is the time I sat on a couch with her and balanced plastic spoons on her face. Then there was the time Sarah participated in a karaoke night at Messiah College because I did, and there’s the time we dressed up as Disney characters to pick up my younger brother from a high school trip. We have learned to not take ourselves too seriously and to enjoy the journey together. From teaching Sarah how to dance (more or less a prerequisite to join the McLanahan side of my family), to enjoying our countless adventures together, we truly do enjoy each other. Our love has led to a lot of fun that only deepens our relationship.
I can’t help but think that this is the type of relationship God wants with us. He created us for relationship with Him and I believe God wants us to enjoy Him. This is why encounters with him tend to feel so good. I would also guess that this is part of why He designed the world in the way He did. It is meant to be enjoyed and explored by us because He loves us.
Lesson 4: Sacrifice
Love takes sacrifice. When Sarah was living in Lancaster (about an hour away from me), I would often drive down to visit her. One night as I pulled onto her street, my power steering went out. Sarah first drove me around to find new power steering fluid for my vehicle, but when adding new fluid didn’t fix the problem, she drove me home. This was a solid two-hour drive in the absolute middle of the night. For someone who loves sleep as much as Sarah does, this took sacrifice. Then there was the night I needed to submit a big project before leaving on a trip in college. Sarah sat up with me until it was finished just because she didn’t want me to be alone.
While our sacrifices are hardly the same as what Christ did for us on the cross, they still require giving of ourselves. Sarah models Christ’s love to me by the way she chooses to put me before her wants and needs. Because of her, I know better how to love others, even when it isn’t convenient.
Lesson 5: Partnership
When I worked for OneLife, I was only there for two months but I was exhausted. I was carrying a lot of heavy life stuff for my students. I absolutely loved my job, but it was a lot and I often felt that I had to bear those burdens alone. As I served in that capacity, it became clear to me that in order to continue this type of work, I would need someone who could come alongside of me and take care of me. Sarah does this really well. She is so compassionate and merciful and is continually grounding me when things get hard. She is always ready to work the knots out of my shoulders and picks me up when I fall. This is why when God created Adam, He said, “It is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). We are created for this type of partnership rooted in love.
I could go on and on about all of the lessons that I have learned through loving Sarah, but for now I will stop at five. The longer we share life together, the more I understand Christ’s love for me. He is so patient, literally died to Himself, invites us to partner with Him, demonstrated ultimate sacrifice, and is truly enjoyable even when life isn’t fun. Learning to love Sarah has become so much deeper than just a relationship. It has helped me understand and become more like Christ.
What relationships do you have that help you understand true love? Give thanks for them. They are a blessing.
