Paul, Timothy, and Barnabas

“We all need a Paul, a Barnabas, and a Timothy.” This statement is one that I heard for the first time a few months ago. It stuck with me and I have thought about it often. Essentially what it means is that we all need someone in our life who can play the role of Paul, someone who is a little more mature and has some wisdom, to come alongside us as a mentor to help us grow. Second, we each need a Barnabas, a peer who will encourage us as we live out our callings. Lastly, we need a Timothy, someone who is less mature in their faith and in life who we can mentor. Over time, our Timothies should become our Barnabases as they mature. As I reflect on my life, I recognize that I have each of these types of relationships in my life, and it is obvious to me how important each is to my ministry and to my growth.

My obvious Paul is Wendell Witter. I met him while in college and he taught me both as my professor and as my mentor. Through the conversations that we had, Wendell pushed me to grow in my faith and in my leadership. He created space for me to wrestle with the things that I was going through and Wendell counseled me as I navigated how to discover who I truly am. He also taught me in the academic sense. I learned to build climbing anchors because of Wendell. I also know a lot about group dynamics and leadership theory because of our time together in the classroom. Over the course of my time at Messiah College, Wendell was one of the most important parts of my growth and learning. By the time I finished up my college experience, Wendell became more than just a mentor to me. He became a great friend.

I have also had a number of Barnabases in my life. Some of the first ones who pop into my mind were the guys who were part of the Loft team with me as well as my college apartment mates. These people knew me in ways that few people ever will. They knew how to care for me and love me regardless of how “well” I was doing. To this day I seek opportunities to spend time with them because when we are together, I feel known and loved. I also strive to be a Barnabas for others. I look for people who seem like they are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders and I come alongside them to share their burdens by encouraging them and listening to them. I feel like the Barnabas role is the most overlooked of the three. We know that it’s good to have older people investing in us, and we are usually willing to invest in younger people, but we forget to allow our peers to come along side us and share in our lives. I have been very blessed to have such great Barnabases in my life. I just need to remember that I can lean on these people when I feel overwhelmed. Often, when I am in leadership or ministry roles, I start to feel isolated or worn down. It is in these moments that I know that I need a Barnabas the most. I think about the summers that I spent working at camp and my mind is flooded with memories of feeling tired and overwhelmed, but I had other people around me who would support me and give me what I needed to do my job well.

I have also had the privilege of investing in a number of Timothies. Every so often, someone approaches me because they are looking for a mentor. It is always an honor when someone carves out space in their life for me to invest in them. I find that when I mentor others, I am stretched in a different type of way than I am when I am being invested in. The relationship is not about me, but instead I am expected to serve the other person with very little expected in return. This is why it’s so important to have other people pouring into me, because it’s draining when I am the only one giving in my relationships. When mentoring, I get to practice putting others first, which leads to me growing to be more selfless, and in turn I become a more Christ-like person.

Often in ministry or leadership roles, we get stuck just being Pauls for Timothies. People forget that we need invested in, too. Likewise, if we are always being mentored, it’s forgotten that we have experiences to offer that can help others. This can be quite discouraging because we all have something to share. So that we can live a healthy, balanced life as it relates to our relationships with others, we all need a Paul, a Timothy, and a Barnabas. If you see a gap in your relational life, it might be time to start looking for someone to fill it.